I shall never grow up...

make believe is much too fun

weeping angel
I know I haven't updated in ages. But I need to get this out and I don't want to use my blogspot for things like this (anymore).

Suddenly I can't get her out of my head. It's taken me a year to finally 'get over' it. Then yesterday, I find a blog I adore and she's there. Then... Facebook. I am honestly apprehensive to discover more blogs because I know how similar we are and the chances of seeing her name is very likely. Why can't I move on? Why does this affect me so much? Why is it all coming back to me suddenly?
I know I did something terrible, I'll regret it for the rest of my life because she NEVER deserved to go through that. But is it just going to haunt me for the rest of my life? I want her to be happy, and I'm glad to see that she is. I would give anything.... anything to fix the past... but I can't.
I just wish we could get past it and move on and be friends again, but I realize that is asking too much, no matter what I do.
What do I do? Thomas tells me to turn to stone when things like this arise.... and sometimes I can. But it's different for her, I have a soft spot that might never go away. I can't help but think I deserve this.
I just want to know why, after SO long, I'm seeing her everywhere... so suddenly? It just.... hurts.

(no subject)
me brunette
I hate it here. I hate this stupid small town. I hate not having friends my own age. I only know people over 60 because I work at The Senior Citizen Center. Or high school kids on probation that are forced to come sometimes to help us work. Everyone here our own age is either on probation or super religious and boring. My body hates the cold and I hate my body and not just in vanity form. I have a lot of physical problems that are just getting worse and I'm scared. I hate that we have no where else to go, and couldn't afford it anyway. I hate missing California so fucking much. I hate looking forward to shit that just end up getting canceled due to finances. I hate not being very good at anything at all. Why can't I just be great at one thing??
I'll probably delete this later but I needed to type this out.

(no subject)
me brunette

Hmm, a lot has happened.. a lot that I can't say yet because I need to filter out my friends lists. I wish I didn't have to. I really miss certain friends.

Anyway, Thomas won the state-wide western-themed guerrilla film competition for "The Ketchup Kid." He acquired a trophy and... $1,000!!!!!!!!!!!!
Granted, most of it is going toward a better camera for Tom's upcoming films (we are doing a horror movie next!!!) But I get the rest :) (AND also, I am going to sell my canon rebel xti for anyone interested, you'll get a good deal if you ask before I put it on ebay).
I'm probably going to spend it on medication, going to San Diego and Disneyland, and save some for our wedding :)
Speaking of which, We've decided on a Spring Wedding.. probably May 2012? We still are deciding on a location... that's actually pretty difficult because we have little money and Tom doesn't want to get married in Palm Springs for some reason, which just happens to have an affordable little garden setting... which is what I want. That was a really long sentence. Anyways, Expect a wedding post soon!

(and I like making fashion-y photos)

Oh and you can watch The Ketchup Kid under this cut, along with other things...Collapse )

Fun times with Welshmen
me brunette
The other day we had some guests over, including our good friend Adam from Wales. It was SO FUN! We are all HUGE Doctor Who fans so we decided to visit a place that is very close to us that was in the show recently called Lone Rock Beach... The scene where Matt Smith gets killed by the astronaut... it's only a 40 minute drive away and it is fucking GORGEOUS there! (Almost prettier than any beach in California).
We filmed some stuff where I was Amy and Adam was the Doctor. Next time I am definitely taking more photos, but we did make this video on Tom's youtube channel which is pretty awesome... especially because you get to see me with a mustache and an unrecognizable accent! (I know how many of you want to see that) .... And our friend, who we will live with in Wales for a little while next year to help us look for a place to stay!!! :)
(We want to move to Cardiff, Wales... permanently. SOOOO done with this country!)

Please subscribe to him if you haven't :)
We also entered the Arby's commercial contest, we've already submitted 3 commercials and are filming the forth one today up in the grand canyon!! Really excited so... gotta get ready :)
I'll probably post the commercials that are done probably later tonight.

Eisley in Hollywood
me brunette
Going to Hollywood to see Eisley with Thomas was nothing short of AMAZING. I got to meet Christie Dupree and the singer from the awesome band The Narrative, which was so exciting! And since we got there a bit early we were so close to them I could reach out and touch Stacy's keyboard. Not to mention, unplug it... haha. It was a very surreal experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.

More Photos and stuff...Collapse )

And we're here.
me brunette
I've been very busy moving, we've been in Utah for about a week or so, it already seems longer than that. I got very sick right after the initial move and was bedridden for a few days... and we don't have internet yet, so I haven't even talked to anyone in forever... I feel SO out of the internet loop... but this week we should have internet and I can start doing all of the things I NEED to do.... mostly putting art on my etsy and making vyou videos (ask me a question there! Username is lovelythots)... and photos of course. We went to the North rim of the grand canyon and the town we live in is a total tourist trap, it's SO fucking gorgeous!! There is a huge lake nearby and tons to do. The view from our house is amazing, and we have our own place (for the most part) with a living room, two bedrooms (we are turning one into a recording studio), bathroom with washing machine/dryer, and Alice! We can paint and decorate however we want to (I am going to have fun with that) and the best part... NO RENT. And I just started my job today as a cook/baker for the senior citizen center... it's so easy and everyone is so sweet, and I'm making a pretty decent amount (to save up for trips and our future.. We are totally getting a room at the Venetian in Vegas with my first paycheck... it's not that far..).
I don't really want to stay for more than a year or so while we save up to move somewhere else, but it's a nice start... and we will be in CA a lot, we can't escape it, I don't know if we ever could...
Back to work... two hours to go!

Pink Elephants
me brunette
Thomas made a metal version music video of Pink Elephants on Parade for school. I'm the star of the video and Thomas did an AMAZING job with it... so please watch it, and if you like it, give it a thumbs up :)

I have so much to say ... including our time with Eisley, our wedding, more videos coming soon on youtube AND vyou.com, my etsy shop (I have a couple things up but the process of moving makes everything harder.)

Off to the next desert...

 Thomas and I are moving. California is kicking our asses! We can barely keep food in our tummies.

We are going here

Yeah, Utah. We don't really have a choice... but it should only be for a year. We won't have to pay any bills or rent or anything, so it will be stress-free and I get to live with my little sister! I've always been the youngest, but Tom's sister is awesome (now that she is sober).

There are ups and downs. But Utah is gorgeous, I'll be doing a LOT of photography. I also get to bring my kitty and paint our room however we want! Also, Arizona is five minutes away which is awesome on many levels.
Leaving California will be good for a lot of reasons... it's really overrated and expensive... but we'll just have to see, and stay positive.

Before I leave CA, I've conducted a bucket list:

IVE things to do before leaving California next month…


  - - See Eisley live

  - Go to Disneyland

  - See The Honey Trees and SLO/SF/Solvang

  - Go to SeaWorld/Beach in San Diego  
  - Spend a whole day doing all the Hollywood site stuff
  - Go to the mountain tram in Palm Springs
and I'll probably think of more later. I want to go to San Fransisco so maybe I can squeeze that in with going to SLO...
Where in California would you want to see most?

(no subject)
me brunette

I know there are a few new people and I just wanted to say thank you for subscribing! A little about myself...

I used to be very depressed, but for about 8 months I have been on medications and feel a lot better. Sometimes I do get down and might use this journal to let it out, sorry about that. I'll try to keep it down. But if you read my past entries you'll probably see my morbid side, which has toned down a lot.
I have a lot of physical ailments that might make me bitter at rare times... I'm supposed to be going the physical therapy three times a week but can't afford it =/

I'm planning a wedding with Thomas Tulak. He has his own imdb page, the jerk ;p ... so you might see a lot of that, as well as photos, real life stuff, my videos, or anything/everything else. I hope you enjoy and I promise to return every comment :)

To start off, here is a video of my Thomas and I. The rest of my videos are depressing but that'll change... so please subscribe if you like!

And my favorite song at the moment:

I also have a tumblr, blogger, and dailybooth (all under the name lovelythots)

What kinds of things do you want to see? Personal vlogs? music videos (I've made a couple)? acting type stuff? rambling? outside artsy videos? movie/book reviews? Something else? Let me know!

I'd love it if anyone would tell me about themselves! :)

me brunette
Day 1

A current photo of yourself:

(Still working on my etsy!)

and ten facts about you:

I like vlogging with my man. Observe:

As much as I want to get out of Southern California, I would still miss it. Plus, we are getting season passes to Disneyland :)

I loooooove to travel!

My kitty, Alice, is the most amazing animal ever, I miss her dearly. It breaks my heart not having her with me.

I feel happier, the meds I'm on are working rather well. I'm not the same girl I was a year ago, at all.

Yet I still feel overweight (I'm 125.... I know) ... I want to get back down to 110lbs so I can feel better and wear a bikini like a normal person.

I'm a pretty big Doctor Who fan... And Amelia Pond is my favorite character in this current season :)

I'm slowly but surely working on our wedding. I wish someone would help, doing it all alone is kinda sad.

I'm studying French.

This is my current favorite song:

I tag everyone who cares...


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